MissHoney
Chicago, IL
Female, 33
Changing lives and saving the world. I've taught various grade levels in MA, CA, and IL., always at schools with progressive education philosophies. So I've done zip-lines & ropes courses, traveled abroad with students, taught Sex Ed, done service work, performed in teacher-student talent shows, and initiated lots and lots of dialogue about friendships. The longer I taught, the more I realized it's the emotional and social lives of kids, rather than the subject I teach, that I really dig.
Absolutely. It’s all about the "9am-3pm” perception of our hours, which is grossly off-base. I've read that, on an hourly basis, teachers make the same as parking lot attendants. The emotional aspect of our job is also something to consider. What we do is tremendously taxing and exhausting. I think the underpaid aspect of the job comes from a general attitude in the US towards teaching. In some countries, teaching is considered a very high-status job, while here in the US it is not. We undervalue teachers and then wonder why the education system is broken (this is a problem in other areas as well, such as social work). If we paid teachers well, we'd attract more rock-stars in their fields (there are lots of rock-star teachers already ... we'd just have quite a few more). Considering what a valuable resource each generation of children is, it's surprising -- and sad -- that we don't invest more in education and in teachers.
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Hmmm. There are a few parts to this question. "Smart drugs" generally refers to medications/herbs/supplements that purport to improve memory and brain function. There are varying opinions about efficacy and when/how/why/if some of them work or should be used. Heck, even nicotine could be classified as a smart drug because it is a stimulant. Do I drink caffeine to improve my function? Yes, I'm a new mom. I'd be borderline incoherent without it. Did I take NoDoz in college to finish papers? Yup. But I also know another teacher who has a buddy prescribe Ritalin when he has no diagnosed ADHD so that he can stay up late to finish work during times of stress (if I am getting this right, Ritalin works differently in your body if you do not have an attention issue so that instead of helping you calm, it hypes you up.). Do college kids pass meds around like candy? Yup. Is that good? Nope. Rather than learn time management or to not over commit it can become cool to be on meds. That kind of use is irresponsible and ultimately not beneficial to anyone. In terms of treating folks with diagnosed conditions like ADHD with proven medications? I'm all for it if it's done ethically and responsibly. I have seen students transformed by medication. Two years ago we got a boy into treatment and he was transformed. He was so much happier too as it helped him with his self-control and impulse control. Many kids with something like ADHD are not comfortable in their skin when they're undiagnosed. Most want to pay attention. Most want to feel like the are in total control of themselves. A good diagnosis by a qualified doctor can be a gift for a child who truly wants to pay attention. We treat illnesses. If a student had diabetes I would want the best care available to them. Same with something like ADHD (or a mental illness like depression/anxiety). Ideally, it's also paired with education, awareness, and strategies for the student, parents/guardians, and teachers. One thing that we struggle with in the middle school arena is that kids are growing so quickly their meds can need regular adjustment as many are weight based. Or, they are changing so quickly that strategies and plans need to be altered. Now, that being said, do I think some meds are over-prescribed? Yes. Do I think parents want an easy fix sometimes rather than deal with a kid who has self-control issues or keep seeking out different doctors until they get the diagnosis they want? Sometimes. Do I think students use/abuse them to gain an advantage or trade with friends? Sometimes. But I think on the whole it's best to assume most parents, doctors, and kids are doing the best they can and making good decisions. At least, I have to keep believing that in order to not lose hope in humanity!
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My most challenging conferences are ones in which the parents have expectations of what a 7th-grader should be, and yet they don’t see the child sitting in right front of them. Trying to gently guide parents to see who their child is can be heartrending. Some parents are reliving their issues as middle schoolers onto their kids: wondering why they aren't more popular, talking about other kids, wanting their kid to be The Jock or The Intellectual. No 7th-grader needs to be taking SAT prep classes (and I've had ones who are) and no 7th-grader needs to be feeling like they need to specialize in things already. High school might be the time for that, but a middle schooler should be all over the place and trying on different interests and identities. The most specific difficult one was a student whose parents were both alcoholics. I had been made aware of the situation before I taught the student, but he did not know that I knew. His attempts to polish over his parents’ failings were devastating to watch. All he wanted was for his family to look normal to me.
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Allowed is an interesting word. As is problems. As is investigate! Each state has different mandatory reporting laws, but all states have some guidelines for people working with children. In general, if a teacher (or counselor or coach or clergy) suspects abuse or neglect, we are legally obligated to report it. So, for many people, it's not an issue of allowed but an issue of obligation. But what's interesting is that it doesn't always specify WHO you are to report the information to. My choice was always to report to my principal AND the guidance counselor and then to follow up to be sure authorities had been contacted if necessary. If necessary…what does that mean? Well, problems at home could be parents divorcing or money troubles. Or it could emotional abuse. Or any number of things. There are very few children who move through K-12 and never experience some kind of home stress. The key is to know what the trouble is, what the parents/guardians are doing to support, what the school can do to support, and whether authorities need to be involved. I built my career on building strong relationships with my students. So I knew of alcoholism, divorce, infidelity, job loss, step siblings, self-harm, and all kind of things that made being that kid hard. A handful of times (thankfully, very few) I had reason to suspect neglect or abuse. Asking a child outright can work and it can also backfire. Most kids want to protect their families and if you pry they pull away. I worked to foster open communication, to let kids know nothing phased me. Kids are worried they will get in trouble, their parents will get in trouble, they will be made fun of. So fostering a sense of trust that allowed a student to share without fear was crucial. Not every kid, though, adored me so we followed the guide of the "charismatic adult" hoping that a faculty and staff of caring adults meant each kid would hopefully connect to at least one. I have a senior in high school I'm still incredibly close to. I know one of my current students goes to her 5th grade teacher with trouble. My school has an incredibly strong advisory program and counseling program and we are lucky. Ultimately, a teacher has to check those Nancy Drew impulses (and Nancy Grace impulses) and act in the best interest of the child without becoming a vigilante or a spy. None of that really gets to the heart of your question: I think something is up. I have no proof. What can I do? If the proof is based on a student's fiction writing that reveals content or ideas that are troubling, step one would be to show the guidance counselor and either talk with the kid together or ask myself if we have a good relationship. If it's based on another student telling me something, I'd invite the kid in question to grab a hot chocolate and simply ask how things are going. It's amazing how candid and forthright kids are. It might take a little clever question asking but you can usually get to the heart of something if you present yourself as caring and interested. If a kid seems really tired, I ask about it. Really, I ask about all my students' lives and feel like that allows me to know when something is off. Call it intuition or a teacher super power. But most of the time, I know when something has changed for the better or worse. If it were a series of bruises or injuries that didn't have good explanations (and the kid wasn't a hockey star) I'd go straight to the principal and guidance department. And then, like I said above, I'd follow up. In light of the Penn State situation, I think those last three words ring truest. I'd follow up.
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Agreed, bullying is all a-buzz in schools and the news. I wonder in what ways it’s due to an increase in incidents and in what ways our awareness of the issue has improved and we’re doing more (in some schools) to deal with it. Either way, it is clearly something parents want addressed and teachers/schools are grappling with. Not to be an old lady, but technology has certainly complicated things. Rather than passing a mean note (don’t worry, they still do that too), kids are sending texts, posting on each others’ walls, using FormSpring and other means to broadcast their lesser natures to a wider audience. One study showed 1 millions teens are exposed to bullying on Facebook each year. In my ten years in schools I’ve watched as each new social media platform has offered whole new ways for kids to be mean to each other. Because they are young and less experienced, they don’t always understand that a private sentiment (whether an expression of love or hate) quickly becomes public and that the anonymity and safety they feel in their bedrooms doesn’t exist in the online world. I’ve had kids use our school’s gchat functions (we’re on a Google system for email) to talk about their, um, exploits. The thought that all of those chats are archived or that an adult might see them is either an illicit thrill or an unknown reality. Now, off my soapbox and onto your question. Sadly, Lucky Lady, I don’t think workplace bullying is uncommon or relegated to schools. We are all just grown ups who used to be middle schoolers. If we weren’t educated in the home or at school about civility and character, is it any surprise people behave boorishly to one another in lines, on the roads, and in the workplace? While HR might be the best route for the now, I truly believe schools that emphasize character education, that treat it as just as critical an element to a well-rounded student as math skills, do us all right. My school has a very strong advisory program that works with students to foster empathy, communication skills, conflict resolution tactics but not every school has that kind of program. So, to me, it’s about building a new generation of citizens who don’t think being a bully is a reasonable way to move through the world. And, I’m so sorry your school is a freaky place. Lots of them are dysfunctional and not awesome. Some are, I promise. Perhaps build alliances with like-minded, non-grumps. I found having a few allies can make a world of difference.
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Most of my teaching has been in independent schools with well-to-do families. In that environment, over-protection is hands down the most prevalent parent-related issue that I see hampering kids. It’s totally understandable that parents would advocate for and protect their child. As a mother, I understand. But many parents so badly want their children to succeed that they prevent them from ever failing. Along with protecting them, parents have to help them build self-reliance, resiliency, and a sense of consequence. If a kid forgets an assignment, they'll bring it up to school. I've seen one mom at school almost every day for the last three years. Rather than bolstering her son, she's become his crutch. Parents should trust that we won't just let a kid fail ... that we are there to help and will let them know what we see (even when that's seeing the mom at school way too much). Children need support while also learning to put weight on themselves (at a developmentally and individually appropriate pace).
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Our schedules. Friends would joke that I worked 9am-3pm. That's classroom hours (and for the record every school I've worked at starts at or before 8am). I leave for work by 5:45/6:00am and get home after 5:00pm most days. Prep work, grading, reading, learning more about content, working on committees, being available to students and their families, and being a part of the life of a school is truly beyond a full-time job. Or, maybe I'd change the early start-time! I get cranky when I drive by people out for morning runs and I already feel like I'm running late to work. It's also hard not to punch someone who wonders aloud why I went to "good schools" to pursue education as a profession.
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